"Boston, St. Louis, eat that shit!"

This was a common expression in Cincinnati this past month, following three hometown companies announcing major acquisitions. 

The last month has seen Procter & Gamble's $57 billion purchase of Boston-based Gillette, Federated's $11 billion purchase of St. Louis-based May, and Chiquita Brands $855 million purchase of Fresh Express.

Kroger spokesperson Ann MacDonald, after congratulating her corporate brethren, had this to say: "Hello? Hey, we're building the city a parking garage. Can't we get any love? Maybe we'll buy Piggly Wiggly next week. Just to join in on the fun. Are any of those left in the South?"

MacDonald pointed out that Kroger still earns higher revenues than any of the companies involved.

Fifth Third had no comment except for this released statement: "We still have the coolest post-merger name. It's an answer to Cincinnati trivia games all over town!"

The deals make Cincinnati a veritable consumer capital of the US, second only to, yep, you guessed it, Bentonville, Arkansas, home of Wal-Mart.