COLUMBUS - Last year, Ohio lawmakers ordered that motorists convicted of drunk driving be required to purchase yellow-and-red license plates, also known as "scarlet-letter" tags. Twelve months later, however, reports show that most drivers never found the time to install them. In fact, not a single Cincinnati resident has ever seen one of the license plates in use.

As a result, Ohio has come up with what they hope to be a more effective method of branding convicted drunk drivers.

Now, motorists convicted of two or more DUI offenses in the last six years or once of having a blood alcohol concentration of more than 0.17 will have more permanent modifications made to their car.

Cable television network MTV's popular program "Pimp My Ride" will take the offender's vehicle to West Coast Customs, an auto-body repair shop that also specializes in unique body designs. Natasha Mancuso, a waitress from Butler County, was one of the first convicted drunk drivers to have her ride mandatorily pimped.

"But now, Natasha, yo' Festiva can say the alphabet fo-wards, backwards, and even sideways. Natasha, you ready to see yo' ride? Pow!"

"Oh my God," exclaimed Mancuso, her face turning a deep shade of red as Exhibit removed the tarp from the car.

"We gots twenty-inch shot-glass rims, we gots a martini-glass welded to the roof," Xzibit exclaimed, while running around the vehicle and pointing. "You ain't goin nowhere in this car without people knowin you one drunk-ass ho!"

Modifications such as these, Ohio lawmakers hope, will more effectively identify motorists convicted of drunk driving, and therefore warn sober drivers who share the road to keep an eye out.

"License plates come off with a screwdriver, Natasha. Ain't nobody gettin this thang off," laughed Xzibit, who pushed firmly against the oversized martini glass with both hands before performing a ten-second take to the camera with his eyes widened.

"This is so embarassing," muttered Mancuso, while burying her face into her hands. "It just gives cops another excuse to harass me. Well, that, not having my son Taylor in a car-seat, my broken tail-light, and my three DUI convictions since 1998."

"Now you may be wonderin, Natasha, when a driver see you on the road, how he gonna know how drunk you really is? Check this out," Exhibit shouted from the driver's seat, while turning the key into the ignition. Immediately, a breathalizer tube was thrust into his mouth and daytime running lights illuminated to display an LCD-readout of the driver's alcohol blood alcohol level.

Xzibit registered a 0.25.

"Haha ha!! Now that's drunk! But I'm rich and famous, and have my posse to drive me around when I'm wasted. When this happens to you, you gonna have to take a bus, which stops running at ten pm and don't serve your part of the city anyway. Or, call a taxi, which will cost you a half a week's pay."

Local law enforcement officials say they expect to see no decrease in DUI convictions, but an increase in goofy-looking cars appearing at used-car lots.