In 1977, Elvis detested being the most rotund rocker around. Since he had been a narc during the Nixon administration, Elvis asked his friends in the FBI to help him fake his own death.  Elvis never could lose that weight, partly because of his strong addiction to those fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

After his "death" in 1977, the FBI needed to relocate Elvis from Graceland. Elvis liked life in the big city, but  needed to keep the "Elvis sightings" to a minimum. The FBI needed a big city where it would be easy for Elvis to avoid meeting anyone - Cincinnati was the FBI's obvious first choice.  

Fast-forward to 1999.   P&G was developing a new microwavable banana & peanut butter sandwich, made with P&G's latest test product "OlestraJif ".  This fat-free peanut butter might finally help Elvis lose all that weight, so he could finally make his rockin' return ~

P&G CEO A.G. Lafley's contact in the FBI alerted him that there was a certain peanut butter and banana sandwich expert living right here in Cincinnati.  

Everything was coming together splendidly...

Food Scientists at Winton Hill could use Elvis's expertise with banana and peanut butter sandwiches.  - And Elvis?   He was happy to have a job where he could eat all the damn fried fat-free rich and creamy peanut butter and banana sandwiches he desired, yuhknowwhatahmean?

Unfortunately for both Elvis and P&G, the Fried Banana & OlestraJif Sandwiches never made it to market, partially due to thousands of flatulent, leaking assholes.

Elvis was last seen by Tupac at the Finneytown Gold Star Chili in May, 2000.

*ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: There was never a test product called " OlestraJif ".   P&G also never tested a microwavable fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Nothing else in this story is true either.