CINCINNATI -   While Proportional Representation (PR) is on the ballot this year, its biggest advocates are emphasizing how simple it is to understand.  One aspect that is downplayed by many Issue 8 proponents is the role chance takes in PR. 

Under PR, a simple roll of the die on election night  can decide who will be on city council.   After the polls close in a PR system, the Board of Elections will gather around to roll a special 8-sided die.   This die will determine which of the following eight PR variations will be implemented:

1.  Extra Representation - First, you divide the winning margin of the top candidate by 9.  You take the remainder and then multiply it by whatever number comes up on your Ouija board.  Multiply this number by 10, take the square root, and then you should have a precinct number.  This precinct's voters will then have all of their second choice ballots counted.  Rinse and repeat.

2.  Non-Voter Representation -  Unlike other variations of PR, this system does not transfer the votes of the candidates who received the least votes.  Instead, these candidates will receive a set of "virtual votes" from the non-voting public.  The theory is that the candidates who receive the lowest vote totals would best represent the sizeable non-voting public.

3. Height-Weight Proportionate Representation - This system will eliminate all candidates who are full-figured or those who have a "few extra pounds".  Their votes will then be donated to the American Obesity Association.

4.  IQ Range Representation - This system will split the voters into nine IQ ranges, based on a quick IQ test.  The candidate with the most votes from an IQ range wins a seat on council.  This ensures that all IQ ranges are fairly represented.

5.  Abstract Expressiontation - This method only counts the vote bubbles which have been penciled in with feeling.

6. One Voter, Almost One Vote - This calculating technique will count a voter's top two choices as two percentages, the sum of which equal 0.999999999.

7. Roxanne Representation - In this system, the candidate with the most first place votes (Roxanne Qualls) appoints her first choice to join her on council. Then that person picks his/her first choice, and so on, and so on, until all 9 seats are filled.

8. Mulligan Representation - This version of PR is a repeated process of counting the ballots, both original and randomly selected.    The Board of Elections then keeps on issuing recounts until Mayor Mallory is satisfied with the final results.