WARNING - Do not look at these pictures while operating heavy machinery 

MIDWEST - Insiders at the Obama and McCain campaigns say they would like to tap into the all-important boring vanilla demographic, and are hoping to find the perfect candidate for these voters in Indiana's Evan Bayh, and Ohio's Rob Portman.  Analysts believe that both politicians can help motivate boring vanilla voters to get their noses out of the J. Crew Catalog and out to the polls. 

"There is a significant sector of the population that cares more about the specials at the Olive Garden than who they will vote for this November," said an anonymous Republican strategist, "And their voices must be heard." 

McCain's humor and Obama's charisma do nothing for the average boring vanilla voter, who describes himself as politically "middle-of-the-road", and would much rather debate the merits of Mller Lite versus Bud Light..   Fortunately, Bayh and Portman have both weighed in on this issue, Bayh preferring Miller Lite, and Portman siding with Bud Light.   

The boring vanilla demographic is multifaceted, a subset of both the "values voters" and "latte voters" demographics - that being the "boring vanilla values voters", and of course the "boring vanilla latte voters". 

According to one anonymous political analyst, in addition to the draw for this important demographic, boring vanilla icons like Portman and Bayh can help balance the tickets in other ways.

"i'm sure the Obama campaign would like nothing more than someone like Bayh as an opener whose speech can lull voters into a hypnotic trance before Obama's platitudes elevate them into a state of nirvana," he said.  

"On the other side, with the stark contrast between McCain and the ultimate boring vanilla guy in Rob Portman, McCain might actually be able to extract something resembling excitement from the crowd."