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CCV Declares War on Euphemisms |
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By Burt Safer | Dealer staff writer
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Tue, Jun 10, 2008
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But I thought this would be a body rub.
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CINCINNATI -Citizens for Community Values, a Tristate- based organization dedicated to preventing everyone in Cincinnati from seeing a naked person, has begun waging a new war: the war on "euphemisms", as seen in a few ads in the back of CityBeat.
"The euphemisms have to stop," said CCV head Phil Burress at yesterday's Anti-Euphemism News Conference, "And you can't find euphemisms used anywhere else in Cincinnati other than the one paper that regularly criticizes our organization."
"Everybody knows what the words 'hot hot hot steamy body rub' really mean," continued Burress, "Especially when the word 'hot' is repeated like that."
But are the words "hot hot hot steamy body rub" necessarily code for illegal prostitution? Not according to local Adult Entertainer Shirley Minxxx.
"You have no idea how many suckers think they're going to get laid when they hear those magic words," said Minxxx.
Rather than the Hamilton County Sheriff concentrating his efforts on arresting prostitutes, he has joined the CCV in its war on euphemisms.
"We will win the war on euphemisms," said Sheriff Simon Leis, "We must absolutely ban anyone from using language that could possibly be misconstrued as illegal, especially in alternative news weeklies."
"It's not that prostitutes are hard to prosecute," added Sheriff Leis, "It's just that words are a much easier target ."
Ironically, anything the CCV pays attention to, they are effectively promoting - Monday's news conference has prompted a surge in hot tantric massages and steamy reiki body work performed by local hot stunning brunettes.
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