CINCINNATI –  Hundreds of fish donated their lives this week so they could be tossed around by local corporate groups and then disposed, as part of Bill Donabedian’s brilliant plans to reinvent Fountain Square.

One of the brothers of the deceased issued the following statement:

When Pesco was captured by that net, we worried that he was donating his life merely to exact revenge on the people who pollute our waters with dioxins and heavy metals.

We were relieved to hear that rather than being eaten, Pesco merely wanted to have his body tossed around for fun, and then thrown into a trash barrel.

While we miss him, it speaks volumes that fun-loving Pesco donated his life to the cause of fun, rather than harming someone’s health.

Next month, Donabedian plans to follow up the fish-throwing contest with a roadkill-throwing contest.