Hardhats provide protection against sky asteroids

CINCINNATI -  Drawing comparisons to a mock trial or a mock debate, local politicians staged a mock groundbreaking ceremony today at the site of The Banks, using plastic Play-Skool shovels and Tonka hardhats.

Today's toy shovel fun culminated a decade-long saga of imaginary playtime at the vacant lot between the two riverfront stadiums.

"This groundbreaking is the most groundbreaking groundbreaking ever," remarked Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory, "If we all close our eyes and pretend that this project is going to  happen, I believe our dreams will reach fruition almost... almost as if they were cotton candy clouds or gumdrop mountains."

The politicians' mock groundbreaking ceremony isn't the only imaginary part of "The Banks" history.  Some years ago, the politicicans even came up with an imaginary "Banks Working Group", which was never really a "Group" that was "Working", except when they all closed their eyes and went to their "happy place".

"I visualize that we will have a million condos, even more than The Ascent,"  County Commissioner Todd Portune told the crowd of friends, both real and imaginary, at today's mock groundbreaking ceremony.

"Plus a big screen movie theater, a magical garden center, the coolest shopping mall ever,  an office park, a park park, a hoverboard rental, and lazer tag, plus ginormous waterslides, and.. and a grocery store full of candy, and 3 Waffle Houses," continued Portune.

"All of this will be on top of the biggest coolest parking garage ever," he added, "And all of it will be completed by 2021.. make that 2035, at the latest."