WEST CHESTER - An insidious international cult that originated in Sweden has opened a local chapter this week in West Chester.  The cult, named Ikea, is devoted to the teachings of Supreme Guru Ingvar Kamprad who promotes "world peace through particle board".

The cult  initiated an advertising blitz in the area this month which attracted  thousands of converts. This was despite organized deprogramming attempts by local woodworkers against the cult's seductive philosophy of cheap furniture.

"Supreme Guru Ingvar is the truth, and his furniture is the way," claimed new convert Mary Macauley of Hyde Park, "And his furniture of truth leads to true happiness, which is sitting in a Hallsta chair while I blow kisses to Ingvar's 72 Rolls Royces."

Macauley, like many other local cult members, says she has already signed away last month's paycheck to the cult.

Cult members tend to spend much of their free time inviting friends and family members to the Ikea temple.  The rest of an Ikea cult member's grueling life is spent hand assembling the cult's disposable furniture, day and night.