CINCINNATI - While more Executives at Cincinnati's Berkeley Premium Penis Pills await sentencing for not enlarging penises, this week U.S. District Judge Arthur Speigel granted lasting power to the company, whose recent spike is in danger of peaking prematurely.

"Although I haven't seen any penises enlarged by their 'Enzyte' product," noted Judge Speigel in his decision, "I have noticed results of increased stamina with Berkeley's 'Prulato' product."

"Therefore, I am returning the favor of increased stamina to Berkeley's most essential sector, their credit card processing division."

Convicted CEO Steve Warshack expressed gratitude for Judge Speigel's gesture, calling this news the climax of his day. 

"I would like to thank Judge Speigel for increasing Berkeley's vigor and lasting power," said Warshak, "Although things are very hard for us,  this will improve our performance and endurance."

"Thanks to Judge Speigel,  our business won't wallow in impotence, nor will we last only a few minutes," continued Warshak, "This important decision will extend our company's growth and longevity for hours, possibly even all night long."