Last year, the year the Cincinnati Dealer reporters went on strike, I realized how our influence was missed (Actually they are still on strike - Burt and I are just scabs).

Just think - Had we released endorsements last November,  Justin Jeffre and Sam Malone might have won seats on city council.   I don't want to let a missed opportunity like that to happen again, do you?    In order to have a little influence over this November's election, we offer the Dealer (Scab) Primary Endorsements, for the Republicans and the Democrats...  

Republicans  

Court of Common Pleas

Pat DeWine
Kathy King

If you look at his website, it appears that Pat DeWine is running for County Commissioner.  I honestly can't tell why he's running for Judge if he's already a County Commissioner, but whatever.  It seems like Pat just likes running for stuff.  I really have no idea what he's up to nowadays, and I like that in a candidate.  

In our (my) opinion, King seems to be WAY too qualified for this position, over-qualified, even.  When my time comes to face a judge, I hope that judge has absolutely no idea what's going on.  King has judicial experience and her website actually relates to the current campaign. She also wastes her time filling out online forms.  King is like one of those teacher's pet types - she disgusts me.

Meanwhile, Pat cheated on his wife, has no judicial experience, and can't be bothered to update his website.  If and when the law ever catches up with me, I would definitely prefer to face DeWine in the courtroom.

Dealer endorses: Pat Dewine

  Hamilton County Commissioner 

Ed Rothenburg

Rothenburg is just like that old guy who writes a bunch of boring articles in the suburban press who thinks that his experience in real estate makes him qualified to run for any office in the county.  Wait a minute... Rothenburg is that guy.

Rothenburg definitely needs some more exposure, which is why he put up all those spam blogs earlier this year.  Well, look he took down three of the spam blogs.. Is Rothenburg saving his money for a big fancy-schmancy website?  He needs all the exposure he can get, and that's why we intentionally spell his name wrong.  That way, anyone can read about him even if they misspell his name when doing a Google search.

I sort of feel sorry for the guy, but I would really feel sorry for him if he loses this unopposed primary.  Which is why..

 Dealer endorses:  Ed Rothenburg

Ohio 2nd District Representative 

Jean Schmidt
Tom Brinkman
Nathan Bailey

Jean Schmidt is the perennial Dealer favorite.  I love the way she talks dirty behind closed doors.  She definitely has the hot school teacher thing going on.. I'd like to double my pleasure with her and her twin sis..   Um, anyway, I think Akadjian summed it up perfectly in our previous endorsement, so I have nothing else to add.

Tom Brinkman is honestly the most boring candidate in this race.  I know he doesn't like paying taxes, but other than that, I got nothing.  Maybe I should run for congress, I also don't like paying taxes.   He is way too boring for Congress.  Maybe I will read more about him the next time I'm suffering from insomnia... YAWN..

Nathan Bailey is the dark horse candidate.  The more I read about this guy, the more I like him.   He has never held public office, but wants to be a Congressman.  He has only one endorsement from his high school gym teacher. His creepy church commercial is a classic in low-budget.  He touts his experience working at Wendy's and UDF.   His Myspace page shows his platform under favorite Movies, Television, etc, and his Myspace blog entry predicts an easy win for him in the primary, due to his coffee cup campaign strategy.  

It's a tough call this year..  My heart says give it to Schmidt, but my mind says that Bailey deserves this endorsement.  Plus, I look forward to seeing our endorsement next to the high school gym teacher guy's endorsement. 

Dealer endorses: Nathan Bailey

State Representative

Bob Mecklenborg
Dick Hammersmith

This is like the battle of the most boring..   Bob said he likes English, but Dick said he agrees.  Bob and Dick both like guns.  Bob and Dick are both endorsed by Ohio Right To Life.  Bob and Dick both oppose immigration.   These are all very exciting topics and I will be sure to read more about them if Tom Brinkman's website doesn't cure my insomnia.. 

So they are basically the same guy, but with different names.  Dick Hammersmith definitely has the more masculine name. Dick Hammersmith?  It doesn't get any more phallic than that.   Bob Mecklenborg's name makes me think of Mecklenburg Gardens, and they charged me 8 dollars for a beer the last time I was there. 

Dealer endorses:  Dick Hammersmith

Democrats

Ohio 2nd District Representative

Victoria Wulsin
Steve Black
William R. Smith 

Did all Democrats lose their competitive spirit this year?  This is the only contested race in the Democratic primary, except for the Presidential one, and who cares about that. 

Victoria Wulsin is like a poor-man's Jean Schmidt.   She did the whole malariotherapy thing and that was pretty cool, but other than that, she doesn't quite have that jeanie sais quoi that Schmidt has.  Jean is good for about 10 articles a year, and I don't think we've even written one about Victoria.   Blah..

Steve Black  seems like a good guy, and his father passed away this month, so I'll hold off.  Lucky for me, because I've got nothing to go on.  He actually has a really nice website, nice logo,  I even like the combover.

William Smith, Bill Smith, Billy Smith.  Why can't I find anything about this guy online, other than the fact that his name will be on the ballot?   I did find a William R. Smith Park in Ohio.  Seems like an okay park.

I am so intrigued by this mysterious candidate who has decided to run for Congress, but puts up absolutely no campaign.  I guess we all know a "William Smith", so maybe he figures the name recognition votes alone will be sufficient to elect him.   I Am Legend was a decent flick, after all, and Enemy of the State is a classic.

Dealer Endorses: William Smith