CINCINNATI - As the Bengals sat down to celebrate Christmas today after their heartbreaking loss to Denver, we thought we'd take a look at the top 5 Bengals-related gifts being shared around the tri-state today.

 5. Chris Henry Oven Mitt Gloves - Bat even the softest thrown balls out of the air with these teflon-coated beauties. Comes with a hidden pocket for your stash. Guaranteed to fool drug-sniffing dogs.

4. 5-yard Illegal Motion Penalty - Give only to kids that need a little extra help to make the playoffs. Make sure the penalty wipes out a 75-yard touchdown pass. If not available, replace with an offside penalty that nullifies recovery of an onside kick.

3. Bengals "Ease-Arrest" Kit - Includes a concealed firearm, whiskey-scented breathalyzer spray, $1,700 in "off-the-truck" electronic goods, and directions to the nearest police checkpoint.  

2. Carson Palmer Cannon (With Randomizing Spray) - Sprays footballs all over the field. Picks inopportune moments to sail passes over intended receivers. You'll never know when an accurate pass is coming again. Available in 3 varieties: inconsistent, inaccurate, and look-the-f*ck out.

1. Extra Point - Somewhere, one lucky kid will receive the extra point the Bengals gave away in Denver. The extra point is rarely given away so if you receive this gift, cherish it as it is usually taken for granted. On the plus side, now you know who Brad St. Louis and Kyle Larson are.  

Have a very Bengals Christmas! And remember that buzzed driving IS drunk driving!