CINCINNATI - Tuesday night, at his annual Christmas party at Music Hall, Carl Lindner was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Drunk.

Brother to the Ghost of Christmas Present, the lesser-known Ghost of Christmas Drunk symbolizes hedonism. Rumor has it that the ghost was sent to visit Mr. Lindner to puncture his unfailing belief in the mythical Christian work ethic.

The Music Hall staff tried to deny the ghost entrance for lacking an invitation. However, the ghost slipped in through a back entrance when drunken entertainers let him in.

Mr. Lindner was just beginning to bore the crowd with 40-year-old "how I got my start in the ice cream business" anecdotes when the ghost entered and shrieked, "Families can't compete with corporate Good Humor!"

The inebriated ghost then hastened Mr. Lindner offstage on a spiritual journey.

Two hours later, the ghost returned to the banquet hall after allegedly failing to turn Lindner on the path towards redemption. There, Christmas Drunk downed a plateful of shrimp and soaked up the free alcohol like a Bounty paper towel.

After numerous glasses of box wine, Christmas Drunk moved to the dance floor where a Neil Diamond impersonator sang and people were more receptive to his intoxicating message.