CINCINNATI - In a stunning move, Cincinnati found 22,582 people living under rocks.  Revised Census estimates announced last week find an additional 22,582 people living in the city, which means that the city actually gained 27 people between 2000 and 2005.  This had a positive affect on several indicators such as the poverty rate, the unemployment rate, the housing rate, and most importantly the crime rate.

The higher population meant a lower per-capita crime rate, pushing Cincinnati down from the 15th most dangerous city to the 17th, below Norfolk, VA, and, yep, Cleveland.  A giant laughing noise was heard hurtling up I-71 on Friday, sending shock waves across the state.

Downtown, city booster and census buff Rick Penderer commented, "YEEEAAAAAH, suck it Cleveland!  Hey, the only reason Cleveland hasn't fallen into the lake is 'cause it SUCKS! HAHAHAH!"  Unfortunately, as Mr. Penderer stumbled guffawingly down the sidewalk, he didn't notice his pocket being picked.

The revision came about after a 20-yr-old intern in the mayor's office did research on other cities filed formal challenges to the census counts.  A delighted Mayor Mallory rewarded the intern with a pat on the butt and a tall glass of pink lemonade.