Rep. Jean Schmidt, Cincinnati's biggest PR nightmare since Marge Schott called Eric Davis her "Million-Dollar Nigger," was endorsed by the Enquirer for shits and giggles on Sunday. 

After reviewing the litany of foot-in-mouth, plagiaristic, and hypocritical schenanigans that the junior senator has managed to squeeze into her relatively short, 2-year tenure, Enquirer's editorial board explains that she is "simply a better legislator than [Victoria] Wulsin", an advantage that every law-making incumbent has had over their challenger since the beginning of time.   

What can Wulsin do to win the Enquirer's coveted endorsement? Head a national public health agency.  That's right, it's going to take alot more than an experienced, successful medical professional to dethrone the biggest embarassment since Pete Rose pedaled his confession-signed baseballs on eBay.

In the end, the Enquirer sheepishly admits that Schmidt needs to "keep doing her homework and cut out the sloganeering nonsense" and "should develop a more sophisticated approach on international policy," but selects her as best woman for the job because she "will better reflect and serve the people of the 2nd District." 

Jorge Barnes, a 2nd district resident, responded:  "The Hell?" and then began looking for houses in a nuclear-waste-free district.

In its next editorial, The Enquirer is expected to endorse incumbent Mike DeWine for Ohio Senator because challenger "Sherrod Brown" rhymes with "Let us down."