COVINGTON - Principal Robin Shuttleworth surprised parents and the community with her unique approach to promoting drug awareness at Holmes Alternative School. To support Red Ribbon Week, "goodie bags" filled with narcotic samples and drug paraphernalia will be distributed to roughly 40 students in grades 7-12.

Helping expose students to the wonders of drugs, Shuttleworth announced that the week's activities would include dropping acid and critiquing YouTube.com shorts while finger painting, designing drug paraphernalia models in software programs and holding a 72-hour "speed" woodshop marathon.

"We feel that until students have tripped balls, they just won't really know good drugs," said Shuttleworth. "We want our kids to make savvy drug choices." She then giggled and added, "Plus, it's really funny to see kids get stoned." Shuttleworth declined further comment, stating that she "really needed some brownies."

Some critics say this week’s activities are risky because earlier in the year Health teacher John Hankey allegedly held a private after-school study session to introduce the soccer teams to Ecstasy, which led to heavy petting.

"Ecstasy doesn't  always lead to sex," said Hankey. Though he then admitted he couldn't think of a single time he hadn’t, in his words, “fucked,” while on the drug.

10th grade soccer player Sarah Lippman affirmed Hankey's remark. "My skin is breathing. I feel... I feel... tangerine. Touch me!