The Judge so conservative that Steve Fritsch once interviewed him

Area purse snatchers can now do 60 more years than their protégés in Junior High who bully, threaten, and steal lunch money from the weakest kids on the playground.   On Friday, other area teenaged purse snatchers said they have heeded Ruehlman's warning, and reported moving on to less sociopathic pursuits, like identity theft and mobile meth labs.

Responding to criticism with King Solomon-like wisdom, Ruehlman said, "Of course the sentence is longer than many murderers and rapists do.  But I wanted these youngsters to walk a mile in their fragile victims' shoes.  That's why I decided they wouldn't walk until they're total geezers."

County Commissioner Phil Heimlich may have an alternative solution, so that Cincinnati's young purse snatchers won't rot in jail.   Heimlich is working with the Character Training Institute to develop a rehabilitation program, inspired by Anthony Burgess's novel, A Clockwork Orange, which could remove a purse snatcher's desire for any further petty theft crimes against humanity.

The main treatment method involves strapping down the anti-geratric subject in a chair with his eyelids forced open and having him watch old people favorites like "On Golden Pond", "Cocoon", "Something's Gotta Give", and "Driving Miss Daisy" for 48 hours straight.