AVONDALE - Xavier assistant basketball coach Kenya Hunter was arrested Saturday night in Mt. Adams and charged with a DUI. Fans of both teams celebrated the arrest as a sign that UC will transfer its drunk thug image to Xavier.

"It'll be nice to have a team that's somewhat feared, because one of the players might tape someone to a chair and torture them, or drive into the Ohio river all drunk," said Xavier business major Thaddeus Applesmith. "Maybe we can get out of the A10 into a real conference now."

"We were running out of players and coaches to commit DUIs, so I'm pleased to see Xavier pick up the slack," said UC head coach Andy Kennedy. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go convince a six-foot-four tennis player to please join the basketball team."