WEST CHESTER - In yet another blow to the spirit of Christmas, a warm air mass malingered in the region December 25th, depriving local residents of a snowy Christmas morn.

Though Channels 5, 9, and 12 constantly bombarded their airwaves with dopplerganger ads predicting ferocious blizzards just beyond every horizon, Mother Nature had other plans for the area. 

Citizens for Family Values spokesman Jack Offethome suggested that the balmy weather, unlike the wishing of a "Happy Holiday," might not be yet another sign of ungodliness. 

"Our President, in his wisdom, understands that God has given mankind the duty and responsibility to make use of the Earth as he sees fit.  Any attempt to place the health and welfare of so-called 'eco-systems' on the same plane as that of humanity is a satanic attempt to undermine mankind's dominion over bird, beast, and flower."

When asked about the sentimental favorite "White Christmas," Mr. Offethome had this to say:  "Jesus never felt a snowflake upon his head.  He never had to rush to Kroger to stock up for an impending snowfall.  I believe this climate change is his doing.  Now each of us has the chance to be more like Him."

The Dealer interviewed other local residents to get their take on the warm weather. 

"Generally, I'm all in favor of global warming," noted longtime West Chester resident Chet Masterson.  "If God wanted the environment to be healthy, he wouldn't have invented factories.  Still, my kids are mighty disappointed.  But they don't understand the negative economic impact of air scrubbers and stuff like that."

Melinda Mayeaux, a math teacher at Sycamore High School, was quick to use logic when pondering the less-than-frigid temps.  "A few days of above-freezing temperatures do not a warming trend make.  However, by not signing Kyoto, Bush put himself in league with the devil, even if he does call himself a born-again."

Some sports fans also saw a link between the latest thaw and Satan. 

"Hell's heating up again, and the Bengals are back to losing," noted Tony Stephens, a die-hard pessimist and life-long supporter of the team.  "Here I'd been hoping that someone had the foresight to make a pact with Satin.  But I guess long-term visionaries are hard to come by in the NFL."  After an extended sigh, he added, "I guess we're on our own again after all.  Heaven help us, and have a Happy New Year."