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SORTA Outsources Drivers to Zoo |
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By Fred Pastry | Dealer staff writer
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Wed, Jan 26, 2005
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 Today Michael Setzer, CEO of SORTA, announced a solution for SORTA’s budget crunch. “We are going to replace
all drivers with marmosets,” Setzer proudly exclaimed. “Marmosets are
cheap labor. They work for rotten fruit.” Setzer estimates that with
the savings left over after accidents, they should have enough left over for a
15% across the board administrative raise.”
City Council member,
John Cranley said, “I see this as a win-win for everybody. Sunday service
is not cut. Citizens don't have to pay the unreasonably high cost of a dollar for bus fare.
I don’t see anything left for the citizens to complain about.”
Phil Heimlich, Hamilton County Commissioner, sighs with relief, “for a moment
there, I thought, I might have to admit that city issues also affect the
county. Now we can go back to laughing at the city and pretending that we
aren't connected. If you excuse me now, I have to work with ODOT (Ohio
Department of Transportation) on which set of homes & businesses we are
going to bulldoze for the widening of I-75.”
 One added benefit to having marmosets as bus drivers is that there
are fewer problems with unruly passengers. “They don’t take crap from
anybody,” says Setzer, “in fact, they throw it back!” |
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