CINCINNATI - America's favorite couple, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson (also known as Nessica Limpson and Jick Sachey), called it quits just before Thanksgiving.

Near as we can tell, here are the top ten reasons for the breakup:

10. Nick tired of gorgeous blondes with fake breasts

9. Jessica to Nick: "Quit fucking my co-stars."

8. Nick to Jessica: "You don't need another Louis Vuitton."

7. Jessica to Nick: "I mean it."

6. 98 Degrees reunion tour

5. Nick refuses to be baby's daddy

4. Scientology refuses to take either of them

3. New reality TV show "Divorce Sluts: Simpson vs. Lachey"

2. Nick to pursue new career as "raging homo"

1. Beauty fades, but dumb is forever

"We hope you respect our privacy," Jessica said in a prepared statement. "I also want everyone to know that I'm going to be starring in a new movie called 'Employee of the Month'."

"I have an enormous amount of respect for Jessica," Nick said. "I hope she'll watch my sitcom pilot this April on the WB. I play a newlywed baseball player struggling with my marriage."

The couple denied rumors that their entire 3-year marriage was a publicity stunt.