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Patricia Cake Endorses Paxton Kroger for Mayor! |
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By Patricia Cake | Dealer staff writer
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Wed, Nov 9, 2005
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Editor's Note: Ms. Cake has not been taking her medication lately. Her views do not necessarily express those of either Harold or the Dealer, neither of whom are either BIG or strong. And, of course, she is too stupid to realize that nobody will read her rambling discourse until WEDNESDAY, which follows TUESDAY. Damn, it's hard to find good help! I'm writing in the first person today because I want to let you - gentle, loyal reader - understand just how important today's election is to the our beloved city. Perhaps you have heard Mr. Pepper and Mr. Mallory expound upon the topics of crime and poverty, and how best to keep the creative class well amused and entertained. This is all well and good. But there is another candidate you should consider, a candidate that will put a chicken in every pot, or a tub of tofu in every wok. Who is this candidate, you may ask. Fair enough. Let me tell you.
This candidate is Paxton Kroger. He is beholden to no special interests; indeed, not only is he his own corporate backer, he is indeed his own corporation. And he wants to give you something on Sunday. What might that be? I'm not sure. But think about it -- don't you want something on Sunday? I know that I do.
Cincinnati has a strong mayor now. But does Cincinnati have a BIG strong mayor? Think about it. A BIG strong mayor would be willing to give the citizens of Cincinnati "something" on Sunday.
Whereas David Pepper wants to take away your weed (and let's face it, what is a creative class without weed?), Paxton Kroger wants to give you "something." Maybe a refrigerator. Maybe some shoestrings. Maybe some tequila. Maybe some good old fashion cheerleader porn. But "something" is always better than "nothing." Trust me on that one.
Mark Mallory? BIG and strong? I think not. What could he really give you, Cincinnati, that would keep you satisfied? I thought so.
So please, vote with your Heart and your Hands on Tuesday, November 8. Vote YES for Kroger. |
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