CRESTVIEW HILLS - Another fake urban shopping center will open soon in Northern Kentucky. The Crestview Hills Town Center is the latest in so-called "lifestyle centers" to open in the area.

Developer VP Mark Fallon lauded the image of old downtown without the safety concerns or parking issues, allowing customers to "zip in and out."

"If it's one thing Americans need more of, it's the ability to get in somewhere, spend money, and get out as fast as possible. What kind of idiot would want to go to a real downtown, pay $1 to park underground and still have to walk a few blocks? That's craziness."

So while real downtowns decay and crumble, obnoxiously named eateries like The Pub thrive in giant model kit villages.