CINCINNATI - City Council members received a 3% pay increase raising their annual salary to a whopping $60,000,000. In comparison the Cincinnati Police took a pay decrease of 2% making their annual salary $8,657.

The city charter, which no human can possibly understand because it was written in super secret hieroglyphics from a 3^rd century Chinese schizophrenic says that council members shall receive a pay increase every year annually unless an amendment to the charter has been made.

"Its unfortunate that it’s linked directly to something to which we have no control" said councilman David Crowley. "We had a chance to put a charter amendment on last years ballot to cut our salaries in half, because that’s what people wanted. But, lets be realistic. Like I am going to vote for that."

When asked about the obvious salary disparity between council members and Police officers Councilman John Cranley said that the disparity is needed because most council members are risking their lives more often than police officers.

"I have to drive through Over-the-Rhine to get to my job. I could get shot, stabbed or even spit on. If I was making half the salary I was making now, I would consider a new line of work", said Cranley. "This city is way too fucking dangerous."

Cranley went on to cite fellow Councilman David Pepper’s harrowing abduction and subsequent robbery in October of 2002 in which Pepper lulled the abductors into a deep sleep by talking about issues that he would never fix.

"I would have pissed myself like a little girl", said an agitated Cranley. "Nobody abducts cops. It’s the council-members that always get abducted. Listen, I need this raise. We deserve more than cops. There are two things that you have to abide to as a politician. Never ride in an open top limousine in Dallas and never vote for a pay decrease."

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