The Cincinnati Dealer

Classifieds

Wanted - 1 bullet or sturdy rope. Seller must accept post dated checks or credit. Call 513-579-6464, ask for Hunter.

Loving It - Entire McDonald’s menu by morbidly obese area weatherman, Tim Hedrick.

Wanted - Good home for affectionate, well mannered, crippled but lovable 3-year old Jack Russell Terrier with good taste! Call Adopt-A-Pooch! At 513-281-5544 and ask about Ruggles!

Obituaries

CINCINNATI - Johan Sklaark passed away in his sleep yesterday ending his night long battle with SIDS. Mr. Sklaark was 43.

CINCINNATI - Dick Rapture passed away this past weekend after his remote died while tuned to a Local 12 Newscast. Mr. Rapture subsequently impaled himself on a candelabra. He is survived by his dog Ruggles who coincidentally jumped through an open 2nd story window around the time of the newscast. Ruggles suffered two broken legs & multiple lacerations, and may never walk again.

Quick Poll

After Ike's damage to Cincinnati, how are you taking precautions against future hurricanes?

	Purchasing a windbreaker
	Cutting down every tree within 150 feet of my house
	Practicing dialing Duke Energy's phone number in the dark
	Looking for Duke Energy technicians who are willing to accept bribes
	Reading "Fixing Broken Power Lines For Dummies"
	Making sure my Bengals season tickets next year will be far away from the "wind tunnel" section
	Moving to the Gulf Coast, where people are actually warned in advance about hurricanes

What Grinds Your Gears?
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