PAUL BROWN STADIUM - The Bengals rolled up on the Indianapolis Colts' second and third teams in a 38-0 victory in the team's final pre-season game on Friday.

"I feel ready," said 2nd-year starter Carson Palmer.

Despite the fact that the first-team offense did not score a touchdown against a first-team defense in four pre-season games, optimism ran high in the stands.

"YEEEAAAAH!!! Take that Peyton!" yelled orange-and-black painted fan Mark Butts. When pointed out that Peyton Manning did not even play, Butts explained that he had to feign enthusiasm to feel good about having to pay for two meaningless pre-season games as part of the season ticket package.

Coach Marvin Lewis revealed a new strategy after the game. "Well, we've shown we can beat up other team's non-starters. Right now we're trying to get all our scheduled opponents this year to agree to only play 2nd and 3rd stringers, but we're feeling resistance from the league for some reason."