"You think I'm merely out to change the University of Cincinnnati's national reputation?  Hogwash," said Zimpher at Tuesday's press conference, where she announced the purchase of Sizzle for $800 and a fold-out couch.  "No, I'm afraid it's much bigger than that.  I will not rest until every Cincinnati sports team starts putting what's most important first: education."

Unlike the newly-jobless Huggins, Coach Woods immediately met her demands.

"I've seen what she's capable of," said an visibly distraught Woods.  "I'm not gonna be another lifeless husk left in her wake.  I give."

Coach Woods has since made it mandatory for each teammate to take a minimum of 1 class per semester at UC's Communiversity.  They will also be required to read 1 book a week and must be seen reading said book at Sitwell's Coffee House, while occasionally pausing to discuss post-modernism with passersby.

"It's a start," said Zimpher, when told of the new changes to the program.  "The reputation of the Sizzle, Cincinnati, and therefore, my ego, will all change now that Mr. Woods has agreed to, how shall we say, 'play ball.'"

Zimpher then tossed her head back, cackled demonically, and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.