Justin Jeffre: The people of this city need strong leadership, bold leadership - strong and bold leadership. My record of leadership speaks for itself. I was a lead backup singer. Also, as a leader, I was the very first candidate in Cincinnati to propose a reality show to VH1.

Sylvan Grisco: This city needs more foot traffic. More business districts where people can walk. As a retired shoemaker, I know all about foot traffic, and walking. And people need shoes for walking.

Sandra Queen Noble: The Germans are coming, the Germans are coming. This so-called Queen City needs a queen, a noble queen, noble queen Sandra.

Jeffre: Unlike Tarbell, Smitherman, Bortz and Spencer, I am one of the only true "Charters" in Cincinnati. As a pop star, I know what it takes to be on the charts. Of course, a chart-topper would be a natural fit for the Charter Party. JJ2K5, baby!

Grisco: This year, the Republicans have endorsed a self-proclaimed prophet and exorcist for mayor. In order to improve my chances for an endorsement the next time, I have taken up palm-reading - although I would prefer to read feet. I can also go into a trance and channel Nike the almighty god of footwear, if that's what the local GOP wants.

Noble: What is Natural Law? When you steal my land, I hope you think well of me. The Germans are responsible for this. You. You. You will not receive the golden crown of magnificence.

Jeffre: A run for city council? What kind of a lousy reality show would that be?

Grisco: Everyone knows that the shoes make the man. Well, I'm the man who makes the shoes that make the men. I also make my own shoes, making me the man who makes the shoes for the shoeman who makes the shoes that make the men. And you expect me to run for City Council?

Noble: Mayor of Germannati is a step down for me. I have already run for President of the Stolen States of America, three times. Stolen land. I repeat. Stolen land.