CINCINNATI - Drawing in the suburban family dollars has always been difficult.  Which is why the YMCA has now introduced parasites into their pools.

“We feel that when kids are outdoors it really enhances their educational time to experience all of nature,” says YMCA event coordinator Sally Knuckles.  “Poolside Playtime with Parasites really helps us to compete with businesses like the Newport Aquarium.  It’s like we have a whole zoo in a cup of water.”

To stick with the theme of parasites & fecal contamination the YMCA has even renamed the water slide to "The Poop Shoot."  And now the pool side is the "Poop Deck."  Kids seem to love it.

“I love the YMCA mommy,” says Bobby Shwartz, age 5.  “All the tapeworms make it feel like I’m swimming in spaghetti!”

For those who don’t enjoy poolside playtime with parasites, we encourage you to
1. Wash your hands
2. Wipe your ass before jumping into the pool
3. Ask your kids to doo the right thing
4. As the CDC always advises “Avoid fecal exposure during sexual activity”
5. And of course wipe that shit eating grin off your face