CORRYVILLE - UC president Nancy Zimpher announced today that the money saved by firing coach Bob Huggins would be spent on the endless, circular on-campus demolition and construction. "Despite our ongoing budget problems, we will continue to fritter away hundreds of millions of dollars on poorly designed buildings for no reason," said Zimpher. "Removing Huggins gives us about $3 million, or, in UC terms, twenty-nine hours of sweet, sweet construction."

Reporters pointed out that instead of saving money, the university will be paying millions of dollars to a former employee while at the same time paying a new head coach person a high income. Reporters then asked if paying millions of dollars for basically nothing was a good idea, what with the budget crisis and all.

At this point, a rope ladder unfurled from a hovering helicopter, and Zimpher clambered up the ladder to safety, cackling all the while.