CINCINNATI - Elijah Skunkle passed away yesterday from natural causes after jumping out of a 9th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 31. Mr. Skunkle was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind 16 pairs of shoes. Three had tassels.

CINCINNATI - Charles Lammers passed away yesterday from natural causes after jumping out of a 15th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 31. Lammers was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind, a mess.

CINCINNATI - Manfred Mantooth lost his battle with gravity yesterday after jumping out of an 11th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 52. Mr. Mantooth was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind an exquisite collection of Hummels.

CINCINNATI - Veronica Corningstone passed away yesterday from natural causes after a 207 lb man landed on her after jumping out of an 11th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. Ms. Corningstone was an avid jogger. She leaves behind a husband, two children, and a very large crimson stain.

CINCINNATI - Peter Stuckey passed away yesterday from natural causes after slicing his wrists and jumping out of a 10th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 34. Stuckey was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind a knife.

CINCINNATI - Mordecai Delper passed away yesterday from natural causes after consuming a acid and jumping out of a 7th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 45. Delper was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind a box of used diapers.

CINCINNATI - Grover McGill passed away yesterday from natural causes after jumping out of a 5th story window at the corner of 4th and Vine. He was 53. McGill was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind a wife and a gay lover.

CINCINNATI - Chester P. Williams passed away yesterday from natural causes after blowing his head off with a shotgun at the corner of 4th and Vine Streets. He was 47. Williams was a stocks trader for Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind a shotgun shell.

CINCINNATI - Teleford C. Wainright passed away yesterday from naturals causes brought on by jumping off the observation deck of Carew Tower. He was 39. Wainright was a stocks trader with Brimmel and Harold. He leaves behind a bag of ties, one of them blue.