WEST SIDE - Green Township trustees rejected plans to develop an upscale, 99.8-acre shopping center with 658,800 square feet of retail space.  In doing so, they secured the future of the West Side of Cincinnati: to remain completely unknown to the rest of the city.

The West Side, the region of Cincinnati bordered by Ronald Reagan Highway to the north, the Ohio River to the south, I-75 to the East, and Indiana to the West, currently contains a single, run-down shopping center off Glenway known as West Town Centre.  For this and many other reasons, residents from the rest of the tri-state have absolutely no need to go to the West Side of town, and in most cases, don't even know where it is.

"West Side?  Of 75?  People live there?" asked Brad Fischer, 38, of Madeira.

"Oh, yeah, West Side.  I went there once," admitted Steve Hennison of Erlanger.  "Skiing.  Perfect North Slopes. ...What?  That's Indiana?  Huh."

Still, each year, the Cincinnati Enquirer and local news channels play up the East Side vs. West Side "feud," although in actuality only the West Side is aware that the other side exists.

"Westside is Bestside!" shouted Mike Hoffmeister, while pointing to the front of his t-shirt, which reads the same.  "See? It rhymes, so it has to be true." 

But to the rest of Cincinnati, West Side will stay a mystery, thanks to Green Township trustees who voted against the retail development initiative.

"Too ambitious," commented trustee Chuck Mitchell.

"Too aggressive," said Trustee Steve Grote.

"We prefer West Side to remain a hidden treasure.  A treasure that is completely devoid of high-end retail, business offices, exotic cuisine, and decent public schools, thus ensuring that everyone above the poverty line attends Catholic school.  Plus, where else but the West Side can boast a Pony Keg to resident ratio of 1 to 5?"