SPRINGDALE - The Northern Cincinnati Convention and Visitors Bureau have reportedly been drinking from the stupid fountain. Their website displays criminal levels of duplicity, and has implicated the board of directors in inhaling too many of their lawn clippings.

Evidence includes their slogan that adorns the top of their web page, "Welcome to Northern Cincinnati, the preferred location of Cincinnati visitors!"  They might well append to this slogan the qualifier, "Just because we think it makes it true!"

Further evidence of prevarication appear farther in the web page: "If adventure and culture is what you are seeking, visit... the Museum Center at Union Terminal, the Rosenthal Center for Contemporary Arts, or the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center. While in Northern Cincinnati, dine at one of our unique Cincinnati favorites: Montgomery Inn, Skyline Chili, The Maisonette, or LaRosa's Pizzeria. Of course no trip to Cincinnati would be complete without attending a Cincinnati Reds or Bengals game!"

When informed that neither the Musuem Center, CAC, Freedom Center, Montgomery Inn Boathouse, Maisonette (eh, debatable), Reds, or Bengals stadiums are anywhere near northern Cincinnati, NCCVB president Ron "Cul-de-sac" Walters had this to say:

"That's neither here nor there. The important thing is that when people across the country hear Cincinnati, what they're really thinking of is Blue Ash, Forest Park, Harrison, Norwood, Sharonville, Springdale, Sycamore Township, and Symmes Township."