NORWOOD – A large crowd of women gathered together to sip wine and listen to the secrets of a few not-fat Frenchies at this month’s Joseph Beth Bookseller’s “Girls Night Out.” The informative evening included a panel discussion on the merits of three-hour dinners, strategies for grocery shopping, and how best to organize one’s pantry, all inspired by the bestseller “Frenchwomen Don’t Get Fat,” aptly subtitled “The Snotty Bitches, Don’t You Just Hate Them?” 

Honorary Frenchwoman Johnathon Smythe-Paul Smith, former Maitre d’ at the Maisonette, enthralled the crowd with tales of wafer-stacking and soynut-snacking. Marianne Madeleine d’Angelou de Pompidou, local bank customer-service representative, explained in great detail her philosophy on entertaining friends, who in France are prized for long-windedness, oops I mean conversational skills.

Sadly, the monologue of the next speaker, Sophie Sans Culottes, was cut short by a group of uncouth boors drunk and dismayed by the lack of patisserie on the hors d’oeuvre table. One of these ladies, a tiny Japanese woman with a big mouth, kept interrupting Ms. Sans Culottes’ description of preferred methods of cutting the cheese (goat, of course). The ever-louder cries of “bread pudding; I was promised bread pudding. I can’t go to bed without any pudding!” caused the fascinating program to come to an abrupt halt.

Security was called when some irate audience members, appalled by such rudeness, showered the hooligan and her friends with tiny pieces of Dove chocolate. Quickly exiting the scene as brutal-looking bibliophiles with nightsticks approached the area, the 80-pound agitator and her cohorts disappeared into the adjoining café, where their loud laughter and open-mouthed chewing betrayed their lack of Gallic sensibility.

Despite such unpleasantness Jo-Beth plans to continue the popular “Girls Night Out” series, which next month will feature a Barbarella costume contest as Jane Fonda’s new biography “My Life So Far” is featured. Vietnamese delicacies will be served.