DOWNTOWN - Mayoral candidate Charlie Winburn has revived Councilman Jim Tarbell's old dream of building a ballpark at Broadway Commons.

Winburn's proposed "Broadway Bullpen" is designed to revitalize the urban core of the city, by combining two of Cincinnati's favorite pastimes: baseball and breaking laws.

"I call this the Win-Win-Win-Winburn plan," said Winburn, "The criminals win because they get to play baseball. The fans win with cheaper tickets, and the city obviously wins big. I agree with Jim Tarbell. What better way to promote tourism in the city than by putting a baseball stadium right in the midst of it?"

Winburn is so modest, he forgot to mention that his plan for a conspicuous jail on some of downtown's most vital undeveloped real estate will help him appear tough on crime.

Some have expressed concerns that baseball fans won't be safe from criminal lowlife baseball players. "That is the last of my worries" said Winburn, "There will be several layers of razor wire separating the fans from their heroes. Not that the fans will be cursing or agitating the players." Apparently not, since under Winburn's plan, only born-again Christians will be permitted to attend games.

Winburn has already worked out most of the other details. At 100 feet tall, the right field wall would dwarf Fenway Park's Green Monster.  Armed guards will be at the ready, in case anyone rushes the pitcher's mound.  And in the event of a jail riot, hundreds of baseball bats will be conveniently available.

Tarbell was less than enthusiastic that Winburn had adopted his plan to build a ballpark on Broadway Commons. "You know what," said Tarbell, "Actually, I kind of like it better as a parking lot."