AVAILABLE to a good home.  Couch, saddle-broken, with good manners and gentle demeanor.  6' from head to tail, standing 2' 7" at withers.  Formerly owned by Richard Gere. Was briefly nested in by family of gerbils, but never by squirrels.  Please call 555-8822 and ask for Milt.  Must provide 3 references.

 

WANTED - Life-partner.  Must be tolerant of effeminate posturing, girth (ample), debt, bland personality, fetish pornography, girth, and occasional obsessions with other women who are married with children and utterly disinterested.  Some people practice magic or karate, I practice creepy.  Interested needy women send refrigerator magnet to PO BOX 411, Erlanger KY, 41018.

 

LOST - 1 full set of dentures while performing oral love on greasy drifter.  If either found, contact Ella at Shady Pine Geriatric Center 859-785-8633 .

FOR SALE - Hamilton County Democratic Party.  Going cheap!!!  Stadiums, Gov't Contracts, Special Corp projects all done for a very low fee.  Even install your own Corporate stooge into office!  Just waive the money & we'll roll over 4 U!