The Cincinnati Dealer

Personals

SWCM ISO Friend – No one in town talks to me. They call me ‘that creepy old coot’. I’ve tried passing out fliers to find friends but had no luck. I enjoy skulking round peoples houses at 4 in morning, wearing white bed sheets and a hood. Must enjoy terrorizing minorities and bon fires. Full set of teeth not required. 1st grade education a must!! If interested please contact Cletus in Amelia, OH. Please help. I promise I won’t hurt your kids (so long as I don’t see them mixing with them minorities).

Classifieds

WANTED - Piece of ass. Call Rufus at 859-743-1719

WANTED - 1 bottle of Jergens Skin Firming Moisturizer. Weighs 10.5 oz full, approx. 5.5 oz at last known use. Life-partner abandoned me & porn isn’t the same. If either one found, please contact Mike B no wait, “Jim” at 513-519-2224.

FOR RENT - 1 bdrm apartment with river view in tolerant alternative life-style community located at the corner of Sesame and Vine. Wall to wall felt. Contact Bert at \n This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it href="mailto:bert& This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ">bert& This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

LOST - Lunch during channel surfing accident. Mistakenly tuned to Local 12 News and vomited profusely for 15 minutes during a Cammy Dierking broadcast.

Quick Poll

After Ike's damage to Cincinnati, how are you taking precautions against future hurricanes?

	Purchasing a windbreaker
	Cutting down every tree within 150 feet of my house
	Practicing dialing Duke Energy's phone number in the dark
	Looking for Duke Energy technicians who are willing to accept bribes
	Reading "Fixing Broken Power Lines For Dummies"
	Making sure my Bengals season tickets next year will be far away from the "wind tunnel" section
	Moving to the Gulf Coast, where people are actually warned in advance about hurricanes

What Grinds Your Gears?
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