ROSELAWN – It’s a typical Saturday night in this small neighborhood off I-75. Neighbors on the front porch are talking, then disappearing indoors to don bullet-proof vests as the night wears on. Children interrupt their games of tag and hide-and-seek to strap on helmets and grab riot shields to ward off the anticipated rain of ammunition as Club Ritz patrons get their groove on.

“Yeah, I know," said Duane Ellingham, a father of three, "They closed down that Irish bar in Hyde Park because of people takin’ a leak in the lawn. For real. Our community council voted to shut this shithole down.”

Clearly fed up with the threat of violence facing his family because of the Ritz, Ellingham has a hard time believing just how callous City Council can be. “But I guess the vice mayor has that title for a reason,” he laughs. “She sure does like to support her vice. And I don't give a damn about her skating ability. For real.”

Alicia Reece, who just a few months ago was a vocal proponent of quelling the violence that costs so many inner-city residents their health and their peace of mind, has turned out to be a vocal supporter of the popular shooting range/dance club as well.

“It’s the police. Why aren’t they doing their jobs?” asks Ms. Reece, at least ten times over. She sees no contradiction in her somewhat diametrically opposed stances.

“God Damn Police. They cause all the God Damn Trouble in this town!” Ms. Reece repeats this phrase a mere nine times. “The people of Roselawn need to stop being so conservative. Their God Damn kids can handle a few pops in the night.”

When asked if the club owner and bar patrons have any responsibility over the behavior associated with the liquor establishment that stays open until 4:30 a.m., Ms. Reece shakes her head. “God Damn Police. Give me $100,000.00 and I’ll give our youth some work to do.”

She sees a strong correlation between youth employment and out-of-hand adults boozing it up and shooting each other on a weekly basis. “This city just doesn’t get it. You could get your ass shot goin’ to Kroger. Are we gonna close all the Kroger stores down? Get real. Think about it! Think about it! Think about it!”

Ten minutes later, after taking a few deep breaths and brushing the hair from her face, Ms. Reece allows me to broach a somewhat related topic. Has she heard about the possible demise of Simone’s restaurant?

“Yeah. So what?”

Well, it’s a popular spot with a diverse clientele of jazz aficionados, a place that is good for the development of both DeSales plaza and the city in general.

She vigorously shakes her head. “You just don’t GET it!” she shrieks, at least five times.

Get what?

“Never mind.”

I’m sorry, I don’t understand.

“See! You DON’T get it! The problem with this city is V-I-O-L-E-N-C-E.”

I think this over in my head, and agree.

“Well, there ain’t no V-I-O-L-E-N-C-E at Simone’s, so why should I waste MY time worrying about that place?!!!!!!”

Because it’s been a nice success story so far, one that Roland Randolph should be proud of. And that many people will be sad to see it go.

“GET A REAL LIFE,” she screams in my ear. I run before my eardrums burst.

If you have any extra-strength pain reliever, please mail it to Patricia Cake at the Cincinnati Dealer.

If you have any Logic Pills, please send them ASAP to City Council Chambers, attn: Alicia Reece. Hopefully, she will share with her fellow Council members.