CINCINNATI - The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that it was okay for a Connecticut developer to take a family’s home and erect a health club, hotel and offices.

The landmark ruling opened a floodgate of eminent domain claims resulting in complete chaos throughout the city of Cincinnati. As of today, 2,345 claims have been filed in an effort to take over property for the purpose of "revitalizing the community".

Indian Hill resident, millionaire and defender of the court ruling, G. H. Walker Shub, is attempting to seize Norwood in order to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a parking lot.

"I have always wanted my own parking lot", said Shub. "Norwood will have to find a new place to live. This city needs this parking lot. It will give people a place to park."

Not everyone is happy in Norwood. Norma McCorvey has lived in Norwood most of her life and says that the proposed parking lot is just a penis-extension for some silver-spooned SOB who may or may not be in the throes of a midlife crisis.

"The next thing you know, those old out-of-touch fuckers on the Supreme Court will pass a ruling that decides what can and can’t come out of my vagina", said McCorvey. "It doesn’t seem like I have the right to take a piss without the Supreme Court ruling on it."

In addition to Shub’s eminent domain claim, several millionaire developers have attempted to claim other parcels of land in the Tri-State area, including: Delhi, Walnut Hills, Clifton, Downtown, Star Jones, I-75, Mason, Middletown, West Chester, Rebecca Collins, the Cincinnati Reds, Nick Lachey, Loveland, Cheviot, Kentucky and the United States of America.

Calls to several Supreme Court justices went unreturned as of Tuesday, but a spokesman said, "His name, Mr. Chowder, is Justice Clarence Thomas, not ‘Long Dong Silver’. Now please stop calling here."