Bad Neckwear Review

2ND DISTRICT - Who does The Cincinnati Dealer endorse in the upcoming primary on June 14th?  The Dealer's endorsements will follow. Ultimately though, the choice is yours.  To help the voters make an informed decision, we have put together this helpful guide to the bad neckwear of Ohio's Second Congressional District Candidates. You can tell a lot about a Congressional Candidate by the bad tie he wears. Observe... 

The Classy Gentlefellow

Charles Sanders (D)

Circa:1978
Material: Woven Silk
Presentation: Classic

Unfortunately, this photograph leaves out most of Charles Sanders' secret weapon. You might find the five-time Congressional Candidate's classic bad tie at the thrift store, for $1.79. But you can bet Sanders bought it new at Shillito's in 1978. And when Sanders likes something, he sticks with it.  He also likes running for Congress, and he's going to keep doing that too!

The Harum-Scarum

Pat DeWine (R)

Circa: 1997
Material: Rayon
Presentation: Sloppy

Somebody got dressed in a hurry! Was Pat DeWine late for an afternoon meeting? Please fetch that man a comb and a tie clip, pronto!

Pat DeWine's lime green, rust orange, navy blue and red tie is bad, very bad.. unquestionably bad. When it comes to bad ties, there are two schools of thought. Some say that a man's ugly tie can only make him appear uglier.  Others apply the "Theory of bad tie relativity" - An exotic tie like DeWine's that is so god-awful ugly, can only flatter the man wearing it, by comparison. Compared to Pat's tie, well, nobody could look bad compared to that tie. 

The Checkerboard King

Paul Hackett (D)

Circa: 1991
Material: Wool/Rayon Blend
Presentation: Poor draping

Wanna play checkers? Paul Hackett might just barely hack it with his hybrid car, his hunting license, his Democratic endorsement, and veteran status, but his bad checkerboard tie could be the deciding factor that clinches his win in the primary.

Is there a dry cleaners in Indian Hill? Hackett's crinkled tie could use some refurbishing. Should've taken it to Iraq with him.. that desert heat would've brought Ol' Checkerboard back to life in no time.

The Patchwork Neon

Sinnard is obviously a man of strong bad tie leadership, putting most other bad ties to shame.  He hasn't been in the newspaper much, so what do you really know about the guy? Well, you can tell that Sinnard is not afraid to take risks. How could he be, wearing a tie like that?

Bob McEwen (R)

Circa: 1967
Material: Italian Silk
Presentation: Well-dimpled, a bit long, stained in the middle

Fat ties are making a comeback. Just ask Bob McEwen. Here we see him in an all-blue, fat blue tie. (psst.. Bob - you're not a lobbyist anymore. You don't need to pander to the Democrats with your father's old blue tie)

His retro-preppy ensemble should make McEwen a shoo-in for the the bad tie club, the fat tie club, and the oops-I-spilled-some-club-soda -on-my-dad's-tie club. A vote for McEwen is a vote for sloppy sipping. That stain couldn't be anything evil.. He's a family man, after all.

The Frenchman

Circa: 1989
Material: French Silk
Presentation: C'est Magnifique!

Parlez-Vous Français? One often sees politicians wear those bad stars and stripes ties, but Brinkman has opted for the stripes and stripes. That's right, the French flag is flying from Tom Brinkman's neck. The man is obviously proud of his French heritage, or he's just one of those Francophiliacs.

Most Frenchmen stopped wearing their bicentennial French flag ties back in 1989. Would they take pleasure in seeing Tom's neckwear? Oui, oui, Monsieur Brinqueman!

The Porch Lemonade

If this was the bad tie he declared his candidacy in, one can only wonder what other classics are tucked away in Hurley's wardrobe. I really wanted Hurley to win it all, if only so we can see more gems like this one. Unfortunately, it seems that the very first Democrat to declare his candidacy, couldn't obtain enough signatures to get on the ballot. No time for collecting signatures, when trying to keep the ladies at bay. (They love bad neckwear!)

The Stripping Magician

Happy Birthday! Here's your present.. Magician Tom Bemmes is wearing a scandalous red bow tie that's almost, shall we say, magical! In fact, Chippendales nearly hired Bemmes on the spot when they saw his open collar red bow. That is, until they found out that he doesn't just take his clothes off, he takes everything off. Where are his legs? Amazing!

The Red State Queen