I will add, however, that many of the restaurants that you've recommended via email could not be found in the phone book, nor had any longtime resident friends of mine heard of.  "Your Mother," "Eat Shit and Die," and "Deez Nuts," to name a few, all sound like interesting, albeit offbeat dining spots, but I'm having trouble locating them.  In the future, please include a street address in your suggestion - thanks!

This week I paid a visit to Taste of Cincinnati: a wonderful, 26-year old tradition that invites local restaurants from all over the Queen City to set up tiny booths and sell little tastings of their best creations - all at 2 for $10 prices!

I asked my date to meet me at the corner of Central Parkway and Main street - the east border of the 3-block food extravanganza.  She relunctantly agreed to meet me once I assured her that Cincinnati Dealer was picking up the tab, and more importantly, that the event was held in a wide-open, public place with plenty of witnesses.

It was a warm, dry day Saturday, as we strolled along Central Parkway, the melted street tar sticking to our shoes with each step.  My jaw dropped wide open at the site of the endless row of culinary delights.  How was I ever going to decide what to sample first?

I can tell you one thing that I didn't sample. Any dish priced at $7.00.  That's right, I'm talking to you, Bella Luna, with your high-falutin' Ravioli.  You too, Izzy, with your "Reubenator."  We're all real scared.   I know this is a family column, so excuse me, but what the fuck?  I expect dishes to be a maximum of $4.00, with the majority of them costing $2.00-3.00.  Here's a tip, as well: Taste of Cincinnati is - you guessed it - a taste of each dish.  Any vendor who puts 5 different food items together and charges normal price for their creation simply doesn't understand the concept and should be asked to pack up and leave the city.  I actually got the nerve to pimp-slap the guy working LeBoxx Cafe simply for throwing a wrap, chili, and a cookie in a box and slapping a $7.00 price tag on it.  Sure, I was threatened with battery charges and then pursued by the Cincinnati Police for a few moments, but then they noticed some black guy playing saxophone on the street corner and let me go without a warning to take care of him.  Sorry, Jamaal.  You're drowning out the 10,000 decibels of pure listening enjoyment created by the B105 stage.  Move along!

Let's see, where was I?  Oh, the Cheddar Mett "Zoomer" from Strasse Haus.  I didn't taste this concoction either, although I did vomit on my date's shoes from the mere sight of their disgusting, 10-foot illustration of a gigantic red hot dog with what looked like shredded cow brains and cheese whiz on top.  Luckily I scored a couple cups of water (free!) from the Water Works booth to rinse off her shoes, and we were back in business.

Remember when you went to Taste of Cincinnati as a kid, and, first of all, all you got was pizza? But second of all, remember how there were maybe one or two booths with a dessert?  And it was usually a place that specialized in desserts, or had something out of the ordinary like a gigantic cream puff or funnel cake or something.

This year, not only does every booth have a dessert, 90% of them not worth 50 cents, but there were FOUR booths with Key Lime Pie.  Did I miss something?  Is this a hometown favorite? Do we grow key lime trees alongside the corn and tobacco crop?

My date did have some Hummus from Andy's Mediterranean Grille ($3.00) when I warned her that she had one $2.00 entree left before she ran out of her half of the $10.00 in our Dealer stipend.  She laughed for a moment, before realizing that I wasn't joking, and then threw half the pita bread at my head and stormed off. So I didn't get a chance to try it. However, my educated guess of a review of the dish is that it tastes like hippie food.

After walking by a dozen or so more booths that had nothing I wanted, I realized that not only had I not heard of any of them (Holy Grail Tavern & Grille? What?), but that virtually none of them put their street address on their signs or laid out menus that might include their phone number.  Very smart.  I thought the whole point of Taste of Cincinnati was advertising to people who might not normally know you exist?  Or is that some sort of a marketing taboo, and the only intent is to make a few bucks at a yearly event?

With just $7.00 left in my budget, I made my way over to Askash India and scored some Aloo Tikki ($1.00).  It smelled and tasted like ass, but, damnit,  I just couldn't turn down a place that has a dollar value menu.

At this point in the day, it was getting late, and I basically gave up.  I went over to LaRosas and scored 3 slices of Montgomery Inn BBQ Topper Pizza ($2.00 a slice) and went home.  Man, why did I turn away those college kids who were aggressively marketing the free Pepcid AC samples?

So at the end of the day, heartburn or no heartburn, I spent exactly $10, my stomach was full, and I didn't even have to leave a tip.

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Occasionally, Jorge Barnes searches the Tri-state for a restaurant that will feed two people on a budget of $10. If you know of a restaurant that would be a good candidate for 2 for $10, please contact the Cincinnati Dealer.