KENWOOD - Nat Commisar recently announced that he plans to move the Maisonette from Sixth Street to Montgomery Road in Kenwood.

In an article in Sunday's Enquirer, Michael Commisar, Nat's father, who with his brother Lee built the structure that houses the Maisonette and La Normandie, expressed confidence that a "real pro" would "know what things are worth downtown." The elder Commisar spoke contemptuously of those who would "lowball" him or even have the temerity to "negotiate" with him in buying the downtown location after it is vacated sometime next year.

Though the loss of the venerable five-star restaurant was a crushing blow to the heart of the city, the move north was considered necessary to keep the older clientele who frequent the venerable five-star restaurant. No longer will they need to travel to riot-ridden downtown to grab a fancy bite to eat.

The Maisonette's new site will be contained within a replica of Hyde Park, a far cry from the noise and mess of its current urban location. Commisar and his development team also hope to make the new restaurant attractive to suburban families unwilling to make the dangerous trip southward on Interstate 71.

"Basically what we're doing is taking the essence of a popular neighborhood and removing it of all its charm," explains architect and designer F. L. Wrong. "Where you might find a variety of styles and building materials in the real Hyde Park Square, we hope to achieve uniformity. Blandness makes people feel safe and encourages them to spend more."

Mr. Wrong emphasized the need for northern Cincinnatians to feel secure when seeking out entertainment. "All the anxiety associated with straying too far south of Fields Ertel Road will be removed. Everything will be new and clean. Studies show that Newness and Cleanliness mean more to young families than the haphazard feel of History and Authenticity. We know our market and we respect these values."

Informed that two coyotes were recently killed in Indian Hill, the architect frowns and puts on a puzzled expression. . "We can't do anything about how Indian Hill residents get their domestic help. Frankly, I sympathize. I don't like paying taxes for a housekeeper, either." Upon learning that the coyotes were of the canine variety, the designer expressed his surprise and pledged a "state-of-the art" vicious-animal interception system to be built around the perimeter of the new retail complex. There was no word as yet on developer plans to deal with Honduran gangs.