NORWOOD - If you think local news is bad, John Scott thinks it's worse. Scott was so fed up with Channel 12, WKRC's local morning newscast, that he gouged out his eyes with a letter opener and then had his brother poke out his eardrums with an icepick.

Now that the 62-year-old Wal-mart cashier is adjusting to life without sight or sound he says that he has no regrets.

"OF COURSE MY REGISTER IS ALL FUCKED UP AT THE END OF MY SHIFT", screamed Scott, from not being able to modulate his voice. "BUT THE UPSIDE IS, I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK OR HEAR THAT CAMMY DIERKING EVER AGAIN!"

Mr. Scott had grown tired of the station's "LOCAL 12" slogan and it's most annoying morning anchorwoman, Cammy Dierking.

"IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I HAD TO LISTEN TO THAT DIERKING FELLOW, BUT DO I HAVE TO BE REMINDED EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY THAT THEY ARE LOCAL", yelled Scott. "LIKE I AM GOING TO CONFUSE THAT SHIT THEY CALL NEWS WITH CNN OR SOMETHING."

WKRC executive Randy Culpepper, who wanted to remain anonymous, said that the "LOCAL 12" slogan was meant to give the station a unique family appeal. He also stated that the slogan backfired and that "REDNECK 12" might have been less of a failure. When asked about the annoying Dierking, Culpepper laughed and hung up.

Scott's wife, Martha says that her husband didn't consult her on the decision to remove his eyes or the punching out of his eardrums.

"At first I thought he was trying to get out of taking me out on Valentines Day", said Martha. "Then I remembered that he doesn't know when Valentines Day is. I always knew he wasn't right."

When asked why he went to such extremes rather than just turning the channel, Mr. Scott acknowledged that he may have overreacted. He also says with or without sight or sound, channel 12 still sucks.