So.  The Enquirer's runnin' a photo gallery from local high school proms and callin' it "news," eh?

Well here's some news:  I didn't go to my prom, yo.

The year:  1994.  The school:  Walnut Hills.  It had been 4 years since Linear had a hit song, but because the captain of our water polo team had an uncle who knew their agent, they ended up performing at our prom on the cheap.  Other than the fact that Linear sucks complete ass, what, you may ask, was my problem?

I'll tell you my problem.

The school had a vote on the prom theme song. The song that by far received the most votes was "Whoomp! (There it Is)" by Tag Team.  But did "Whoomp! (There it Is)" become our prom theme? 

I don't think so.

They thought that was too "offensive" and instead chose Linear's 1990 love ballad "More than Words."  That's right, holmes.  The Wonderbread-lovin' school board vetoed a brutha and sista's right to choose their prom theme song, and picked Linear.  Lin-fucking-ear.

*Ring Ring*

Telephone call.  I'll get it.  Hello?  Yes?  Oh, hi, The Man.  Yes, I've heard of you.  What's that?  You say my music's not milky-white enough for you and you're now going to pick my songs for me?  Ok.  Yes, you have a good day too. See you at prom.  Bye.

*Hang up*

Sike.  I wasn't ABOUT to take that call.  So I boycotted prom.  It's called civil disobedience, my peeps.

We gots to rise up.

Look, I belong to the Creative Class, so I have better things to do than read the news.  So I don't know when the next tax levy vote's gonna happen for Cincinnati Public Schools, your school district, or any other school district.  But when the levy for your school DOES hit the polls - vote against it.  Teach them David Dukes and Duchesses that they can't tell us what to listen to.

I'm out.

---

Jorge Barnes lives with his parents in a six-story mansion located in Walnut Hills. He has undergraduate degrees in Portugese, Women's Studies, and Drawing, and a Master's degree in Eastern Religions. He has never held a job.