CINCINNATI - Not to be outdone by the library, Cincinnati Public Schools will terminate 116 teachers by the end of the school year due to budget overspending.

CPS superintendent Rosa Blackwell said, "These layoffs are necessary to remain fiscally solvent. Well, they became necessary anyway, after we overspent last year's budget by $22 million, but that's neither here nor there."

"Not all the news is bad, however. Only 115 of the 116 teachers are being laid off for budgetary reasons. We're firing one teacher's ass because of poor performance. And we decided to give his name to the Enquirer, so all his neighbors will know. So at least that's one less bad teacher."

Combined with the nearly 400 teachers who will accept the district's severance package in the next two years, that's, um, over 516 less teachers in the city's public schools. "Just because test scores improved when we added teachers doesn't mean anything," Blackwell continued. "Really, the last thing we need are more teachers."