The Cincinnati Dealer
The Straight Dope From A Straight Dope
Home
Top Stories
Business
Sports
Life
Opinion
Comics
Advice
Classifieds/Personals
Special Advertising Section

Staff
Search
Login

 


Green hosting by Dreamhost.com

 Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe by email
Kickball Player Arrested for DUI
By Joseph Avery | Dealer staff writer    Wed, Apr 6, 2005
 

NORWOOD - Neighborhood kickball champion Billy Tyler, six years old, was arrested and charged with driving his tricycle under the influence of alcohol on Tuesday afternoon.  In addition to his kickball trophies, Billy has played soccer for two years, and plans to join a tee-ball league next season.

"I want to grow up and be a hometown sports star," slurred Billy after a breath test showed his blood alcohol level to be 0.028.  "I want to be as awesome as Ryan Freel and Keith LeGree and Bubba Nelson and Coach [Bob] Huggins and Justin Smith."  During Billy's suspension from his after-school sports activities, he will continue to receive his full salary.

|  
 
Quick Poll
After Ike's damage to Cincinnati, how are you taking precautions against future hurricanes?

 


What Grinds Your Gears?

Send your column and an optional photo to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it . We love photos.



© 2004-2008 The Cincinnati Dealer. All rights reserved. Disclaimer: This site is a farce. So are its writers for that matter. All stories are fictional parody and should not in any way be construed as fact.