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Don't Waste Your Dollar: Zeb's Tax Tips |
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By Zeb Petry | Dealer staff writer
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Wed, Mar 23, 2005
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 Well it's that time of year again: tax time. And many tri-staters have asked me "What can I do to make sure I don't waste my dollar?"
Others have asked what they can do to prevent the dreaded IRS audit.
So I've kept these two questions in mind and put together what I like to call Zeb's Tax Tips.
Follow each of them to make sure you hold on to as much of your hard earned paycheck as you can, without attracting the attention of ... Uncle Sam.
Zeb's Tax Tips
Any money donated to charity is tax-deductable. That means that you should pick a charity and give as much money to it as you can. If possible, donate all of it.
Most people are well aware of the fact that the IRS gives you a one-thousand-dollar tax credit for each child. What many aren't aware of is that they may have several children they don't know about running around somewhere. Be sure to estimate additional children that may have resulted from contraceptive-free one-night-stands and sperm bank donations.
Consider investing in a work-sponsored retirement plan, which not only shields your hard-earned money from taxes, but also earns you additional money if companies provide a matching program. What's that? You don't have enough disposable income to put even one percent into a retirement fund? Whoops, sorry. My sincerest apologies. Continue to pump five bucks a day into those lottery tickets, you fucking half-wit.
Are you pouring money down the drain by continuing to pay rent? Buy a house and the interest in your mortgage payment and the property taxes are both tax-deductable! Seriously, go buy a house right now. That's all you need to know. Don't worry about a mortgage payment that puts you in debt, or inadvertently purchasing a house in a neighborhood that actually depreciates in value. Trust me.
Last, but not least, be careful whose tax advice you follow. Make sure to trust only certified financial experts. Avoid mindlessly following whiny-voiced television personalities who spew uneducated advice confined to 30-second populist-slanted sound-bites.
I'm Zeb Petry for the Cincinnati Dealer reminding you - don't waste your dollar! |
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