Nick Siobhan ambled down to historic Great American Ball Park at 4 am early Saturday morning to get in line for Opening Day tickets.

"I've never been able to buy Opening Day tickets. I feel that this is the year!" said Siobhan, 34, of Golf Manor. "The only other time I've been willing to wait in a line this long was for the premiere of Star Wars: Episode One."

SPRINGFIELD, Oh - Nuclear power plant technician and Bengal's fan Homer Simpson has owned Bengal's season tickets since Kenny Anderson was throwing to Isaac Curtis.

"I have been a Bengals fan for as long as I can remember. When I was little, Dad would round me and my brother Herb up, drive down to ol' Riverfront to tailgate by 8 am. He was usually smashed by 11 am, and branding all of us with the grill tongs by then. I suppose, looking back on it now, it was a strange thing for a grown man to do to his children, but that was Dad."

The University of Cincinnati men's basketball team lost its second overall game of the season to conference rival Louisville last Saturday, January 15. The 66-69 loss gives UC a season record of 14-2.

"They're pathetic, as usual." said David Hyde, 20, an economics major at UC and avid basketball fan. "I can't believe how many losses they've piled up this year. Why can't they ever win a game?"

The Cincinnati Reds declined to participate baseball's winter meetings in Florida this year. They instead decided to spend the money to check out The Happiest Place On Earth: Disneyworld. Reds GM Dan O'Brien said, "We weren't really planning to make any deals anyway, since next year is a rebuilding year, so we figured, why waste time at boring meetings when we could be riding Space Mountain on Carl's dime!" O'Brien then giggled and later added: "Maybe we can sign Mickey to the bullpen for cheap."

Marvin Lewis accepted the position of Superintendent for Cincinnati Public Schools Thursday. He becomes the latest to accept the enormous challenge of declining enrollment and school board in-fighting in the school system. At the press conference, Lewis stated: "Moral victories aren't good enough anymore. We're going to work at it and work at it, and we're going to keep getting better and better. We cannot accept mediocrity."

In related news, Deputy Superintendent Rosa Blackwell is listed as probable for this Sunday's board meeting.