Instead, we proudly present Jorge Barnes' excitingly new and innovative column, "Your Self-Hating WASP Tour Guide."
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So, David Pepper is runnin' for Mayor. I'm surprised he's not changin' his name to "David Salt" in order to get the black outta his name and get more votes from the cracker community.

That's right, pile your Aunt Jemima pancakes high and smother 'em with Mrs. Butterworth syrup while the city slowly burns, Whitey. But you won't be gettin' my vote.

Did you know that Pepper hasn't been to a synagogue or a mosque once since he's been on council? How are those German lessons comin', Mein Fuhrer?

This all started two weeks ago, while I was hanging around the luxurious office suite of this fetching older gal.  Her name is Nancy Zamfir, and she's the president of the University of Cincinnati. Although I had the hots for her at first, I later decided she's not my type.  I thought she was way too obsessed with that intricate maze on campus, Budig Labyrinth, right across MLK from the EPA.   For some reason UC calls it a labyrinth, but it's more of a maze.

Travel westward on Glendale- Milford Road until it dead-ends into Springfield Pike, and you’ll notice the wondrous transition from Evendale's seedy, dilapidated industrial business district to Woodlawn's seedy, dilapidated fast-food district.  There you’ll find one of the few Tri-state Buffalo Wings and Rings, a Chinese restaurant called 1^st Wok, and a shop called Tobacco Discounters that curiously doesn't sell food at all.  Look a little more carefully, however, and you'll find a diamond in the rough:  A lovely little sandwich eatery called McDonalds.

THE AMBIENCE

The tall, magnificent golden arches greeted my date and me as we pulled into the ample parking lot of McDonalds last Saturday night.  We covered our ears as a tricked-out, lime-green Honda Civic deafeningly roared past.   Detecting a strong odor, I turned to see a large brown dumpster overflowing with the remnants of many meals past.   “Even the outside of this place is teeming with character,” I said to my date, smiling.