Others have asked what they can do to prevent the dreaded IRS audit.

So I've kept these two questions in mind and put together what I like to call Zeb's Tax Tips.

Follow each of them to make sure you hold on to as much of your hard earned paycheck as you can, without attracting the attention of ... Uncle Sam.

Midget Roast with Baby Limas and Red Pepper

This is a variation of an early 6^th century classic dish that simmered over an open flame and was served with veal shanks and raw swine. Here I have added Baby Limas and Red Pepper in place of the veal and swine.

CINCINNATI - Ohio Senate Bill 9, currently before the Ohio Senate, includes a proposal to ban laser pointers unless they are used for academic, research, or industrial purposes.  Tens of thousands of laser battles erupted in Cincinnati as the dwindling laser pointer supply was defended by and attacked by people shooting each other with laser pointers.  No injuries were reported.

State senator Jeff Jacobson (R - Dayton), the sponsor of Senate Bill 9, said, "This bill is not just another idiotic attempt to panic Ohio's citizenry and further erode civil rights using terrorism as an excuse.  Laser pointers are incredibly dangerous, unlike concealed handguns, which I support."

NORWOOD - Norwood is offering amnesty to bad Cincinnati drivers by waving any citations incurred between March 27 and April 2. The week-long amnesty will allow drivers to compare and contrast their bad driving with other really bad drivers.

"No, no, you have it wrong, we are only waving penalties on previous traffic violations", said a Norwood official. "We are not offering amnesty for bad driving during that week. You must retract this story."

Lisa Dye of Cincinnati says that she will drive to the Norwood everyday until the end of the amnesty just so she can drive really badly.

"My goal is to get my car on two wheels", said Dye. "I can do that on Dana Avenue. As long as I corner at 50, I can raise the car."

CORRYVILLE - The UC Bearcats found themselves drawing a lower 7 seed rather than the expected 6 seed in the NCAA Tournament, slated to kick off this Thursday.

UC fell a seed most likely due to their newly installed "3-Point Shots Only" offense unveiled in their C-USA tournament loss to South Florida.

Huggins explained, "I know it didn't look pretty in the USF game, but I'm confident that we can perfect our new offense by the Iowa game on Thursday. I mean, how hard is it to work on firing up three-pointers after crossing half-court?"

Other possible slogans include:

1. Peter Piper to Pick Pepper - "Peter Piper, also known as the Pied Piper, was known for leading by example" said Pepper.
2. Deliver a Pepper-oni with Extra Cheese - "And voters will like me because I've got lots of money, or as they call it in the 'hood... cheese." 
3. That's One Spicy Jalapeno Pepper! - "I think this will attract Cincinnati's Hispanic voters, possibly all 25 of them," said Pepper. 
4. How about some Black Pepper? - "We are hoping to splinter the Black vote even further with this little play on words," he said. 
5. Saltine Pepper for Mayor -"This one has dual appeal," said Pepper, "Black voters will like it because it reminds them of the rap group 'Salt-N-Pepa'. And the 'saltine' part obviously appeals to us crackers."

"When I found out that Cincinnati was the third-meanest city to homeless folk, while beautiful Key West, Florida was only twelfth-meanest, I was like, that's it. I'm out of here," explained a homeless man who identified himself as "Patchy," while climbing into a cargo car of a south-bound freight train.

"Tuna Pot Pie!" added Patchy, as the train pulled away.

Bethany Hellerton started her company with a dream: Downsizing could be a silly and happy experience for employees who lose their jobs.  On January 20, 2001, she founded DownSizeUpSide; today, even Hellerton is surprised by the company's success.  Current clients in the Cincinnati area include WXVU, the Hamilton County Library system, First Financial, and Delta. 

"We get people to see the upside of being downsized," Hellerton said.

DownSizeUpSide, a local consulting service, provides gentle methods companies can use to lay off personnel. 

"We tailor the layoff method to best meet each company's needs," explained Hellerton, "and to make the experience memorable and fun for everyone.  My favorite method is to have all the employees play musical chairs, and when a predetermined number of people have been eliminated, the game ends, and everyone sitting gets to keep their jobs.  For those who fail to get a chair, the longer you stay in the game, the better your severance package is."

CLEVELAND - "When I tell people I'm running for governor, they say, 'Of what?'"

If there's one thing that will win Pete Draganic the gubernatorial prize, it will certainly be his sense of humor!

I sat down with Pete at the Waffle House off I-90 in Cleveland.

"Why are you running for Governor?"

"In one word? Gambling."